Why Is Zillow Better Than Sex?

For most home buyers and sellers nothing is better than sex, not even Zillow. But I've found some possible reasons:

1. With Zillow, you can check the value before you buy.
2. Zillow's only fetish is a Square Foot Fetish.
3. Zillow always gets back to you.
4. With Zillow, you always get a Zesti-Mate.
5. What else starts with Zest and ends with Mate?
6. Zillow doesn't need ads with Bob Dole or Rush Limbaugh.
7. With Zillow, all the protection you'll need is a pocket protector and a Spam filter.
8. You don't have to shave your legs, bathe or wax for Zillow.
9. Zillow doesn't care that you want to see other Web sites.
10. Zillow only asks about your home's age.
11. Zillow doesn't "Google" you, blog about you, or laugh at your "MySpace" page.
12. Zillow doesn't care what you did before you were a Realtor. They wouldn't believe you anyway.
13. Zillow doesn't care what kind of car you have, just where you'll park it.
14. Zillow never picks you up late.
15. Zillow is a cheaper date. 
16. Zillow is always easy.
17. With Zillow, you don't have to beg.
18. Zillow doesn't ask if you took your pill.
19. Zillow doesn't make you turn the lights out.
20. Zillow doesn't laugh when you turn on the lights; either.
21. Zillow always says, "Byte me."
22. Zillow never has problems with zippers, buttons or bra staps.
23. Zillow doesn't mind with your last love's perfume, lip stick or bra.
24. Zillow gets fewer yeast infections.
25. Zillow never laughs at the wrong time.
26. Zillow never hums "Is That All There Is" at the wrong time.
27. Zillow always takes responsibility, it uses an anti-virus and a Spam filter.
28. Zillows always lets your information come first.
29. Zillow has a bigger hard drive.
30. Zillow doesn't care how the curtains are hung; either.
31. With Zillow size doesn't matter; as much.
32. Zillow is up and ready to go in seconds.
33. Zillow always lets you be on top.
34. Zillow doesn't mind if you yell, "Google".
35. Zillow doesn't ask you to "talk dirty"; except to Realtors.
36. Zillow doesn't care if the phone rings.  Even if you answer it.
37. Who needs Viagra, when you have Ziagra.
38. Zillow never asks you to sit on the computer screen.
39. Zillow is 24/7 and can go all night long.
40. Zillow has a quicker refresh cycle.
41. Zillow always asks, "Was it good for you?"
42. Zillow doesn't mind if you roll over and go to sleep.
43. Zillow never makes you sleep on the wet spot.
44. Zillow always respects you in the morning.
45. Zillow doesn't care if you're AC/DC, a switch hitter, or if you play for both teams.
46. With Zillow, you can practice at home alone, too.
47. Zillow never asks, "How many?"  Only, "What neighborhood?"
48. My library doesn't block Zillow.com.
49. Zillow doesn't mind when you have to reboot.
50. Zillow never hangs up during phone sex.
51. Zillow only cares if you're circumscribed.
52. Kids interrupt you less during Zillow.
53. With Zillow, what's good to be goosed is good to be gandered, too.
54. "Zillow And The City" is still running in prime time.
55. Pre-Marital Zillow is against fewer religions.
56. Zillow has no opinions on your relatives; only their houses.
57. Zillow doesn't mind if you look at your watch, or even shake it to see if it stopped.
58. Zillow never gets PMS; only PMZ.
59. Zillow is cheaper than any other Real Estate Escort Service.
60. Being up 24/7, Zillow really is Sleepless in Seattle.
61. Zillow takes less in your divorce.
62. "Not tonight, I have a headache", is heard less than, "Not tonight, the computer's down."
63. Zillow isn't a 4-letter word, except for Realtors.
64. You don't have to be drunk to perform Zillow.
65. Zillow doesn't make you turn off the game, the TV; or even the computer.
66. There's no commandment against coveting your neighbor's Zestimate, unless you include Realtor Commandments.
67. Cheating with Zillow will make your Realtor more jealous.
68. Zillow has seen more bedrooms than Wilt Chamberlain.
69. Is that a portable hard drive in your pocket?  Or are you glad to see me?
70. It's not so bad when a Realtor tells you to "Go Zillow yourself."
71. With Zillow, he can't lie to you about his house's worth, more than 10%
72. Zillow Interruptus is more frustrating.
73. With Zillow, "The Big Oh" is what you pay for property information.
74. With Zillow, "Heavy Petting" is a St. Bernard.
75. Zillow is only MicroSoft Porn.
76. Zillow doesn't even mind if you cheat with RealEstateABC.com.
77. Zillow is the KY Jelly for your most intimate home buying experiences.
78. Zillow will let you try all those things you saw on HGTV.
79. Zillow is familiar with the "G-Spot" and the "Z-Spot."
80. If only Zillow was available for Bill Clinton in the oval office...
81. Zillow never says "Wearing a condom is like taking a shower in a rain coat."  Unless you put the condom on the mouse.

More of Why Zillow is Better Than Sex:

• With Zillow, you don't have to worry who the father is. It's Richard Barton.
• With Zillow, he never has to ask, "Who's your Daddy?"  It's Richard Barton.
• Zillow doesn't care if you swallow.
• A Zestimate is harder to fake.
• With Zillow, they can tell if he's made the earth move in the past year.
• Zillow doesn't leave the seat up.
• Zillow gives better Hilton Head.
• Zex: When the sex is on the house.
• Zillow is harder not to think about at work.
• Zillow never plays "hard to get".
• Zillowing is part of the Zestifarian Religion.
• Zillow's easier to screw with.
• It's easier to share your Zillow fantasies.
• Zillow can please more women at the same time.
• Zillow's has perkier Zestimates.
• Zillow knows more about "The Birds and the Z's, too".
• Zillow has a better memory, bigger hard drive and stays up all night long.
• Zillow cares more about your entryway, your back door and his bay window.
• Zillow isn't a "Belly Button Fuzz Machine".  Just a "Zex Machine".
• The Zillow Users Guide is better, has more color pictures, and you don't have to hide it from the kids.
• Zillow knows more positions: "The LapTop", "The Desk Top", and "The Neighborhood Search".
• Zillow doesn't hurt as much the first time.
• You can get in less trouble Zillowing with your High School teacher.
• The only Zillow "Love Handle" is your mouse.
• People boast more about their first Zillow experience.
• You can't wait to save Zillow until the Wedding Night.
• What if Bill Clinton had only Zillowed the White House in the Oval Office?
• You're more likely to score tonight with Zillow.
• When you "Get Lucky" on Zillow, you save money.
• You can Zillow more times in one night.
• You can Zillow all night long and not wake up your wife.
• Zillow is never allergic to your perfume, latex or commitment.
• You can have Zillow with your underwear on.
• With Zillow, you never need Family Court, a Restraining Order or an Order of Protection.
• Zillow doesn't care if you have to turn out the lights; just if you have to turn off the computer.
• A Zestimate is foreplay for Home Search.
• Zooty: Like Booty, the back end of the Home Search.
• A Zickey: A sucking mark left on a Realtor by Zillow. Harder to hide than a hickey.
• After Zillow, employees don't have to wash their hands; but they do.
• Zillow never tries to shove their Zestimate down your throat.
• Zillow is better with names; and it never forgets a place.
• Zillow knows more about Intercourse, Bird In Hand, and Blue Balls; and other towns in Pennsylvania.
• Zillow makes fewer inappropriate noises; especially when you have the speakers off.
• Zillow can make your Southern Exposure look better.
• With Zillow, all you have to do is hit the "Reset" or "Refresh"; or "Delete" keys.
• Zillow is harder on the keyboard and the desktop, but easier on the headboard and the room and board.
• Zillow doesn't mind if you look too cheap or too expensive.
• When Zillow gets a "Woody", it'sthe home of Woody Harrelson, Woody Allen or Woody Woodpecker.
• Even if you're from Appalachia, it doesn't matter that you learned all you know about Zillow from your family.
• Zillow isn't jealous when your dog humps your leg.
• Zillow doesn't care if you're the "Bitch Slapper" or the "Bitch Slappee."
• With Zillow, you don't have to get high before you go low.
• Zillow is an Aphrodi-Ziac.
• With Zillow, it's easier to be monogamous.
• Zillow's pickup lines aremore believable.
• With Zillow,the only ones who are hot and bothered are Realtors.
• With Zillow, monogamy is never monotony.
• Zillow can satisfy more women at one time.
• Zillow is always up and ready to go in seconds.
• Zillow always has something to wear.
• If you have the time, Zillow always has the place.
• With Zillow, it's easier to get back on your feet.
• Zillow always gives you unconditional love.
• You can't get enough of Zillow, either.
• Zillow makes you an offer you can't refuse.
• Zillow has a more seductive "search hither look".
• With Zillow, you can always put your finger on it and your fingers can always do the walking.
• With Zillow, there is no inuendo or in-your-endo.
• Zillow never quits just when it's getting good.
• The Herpes and Papiloma viruses never stopped Zillow.
• Men are less likely to roll over and fall asleep after Zillow.
• After a successful Zillow, there's a brighter afterglow.
• With Zillow, there are no "One night stands."  And you can check out the addresses for "All night stands".
• With Zillow, you get a better view than the Mile High Club.
• Zillow is master of your domain, too.
• You don't mind as much if your dog watches you Zillow.
• Zillow doesn't care where your tattoos point or whose names there are, unless they're Realtor names.
• Zillow's aerial photographs are better than mirrors on the ceiling.
• Zillow is easier to share a bathroom with.
• Zillow is speed dating with houses.
• With Zillow, you have house-mongers; not whore-mongers.
• With Zillow, you only have data whores.
• There's a big difference between a real, "Hi, Sailor, New in town?" and a virtual, "Hi, Buyer, New in town?"
• Zillow is only a virtual escort service.
• Zillow knows all about Tantric Home Search, too.
• Zillow doesn't care if you fake it, not even your address.
• Zillow.com is short for Zillow.come.
• Richard Barton even liked Ginger's house better than MaryAnn's.
• The only thing Zillow asks you to swallow is their Zestimate.
• Zillow can do a better laptop dance, too.
• Zillow isn't as jealous of your vibrator.
• ZillowTech is almost as good as VibratorTech. But Zillow is "The Real Thing".
• Generally, you're more comfortable Zillowing at your parents' or in-laws'.
• Zillow didn't discover sex. But it can give you all the addresses where, You can.
• Zillow cares more about your Georgian Colonial, Greek Revival and English Tudor, than your French Tickler.
• You don't have to listen to anything Dr. Phil said.  And you can Zillow his house.
• Zillow doesn't mind, even if you are jail bait.  You can Zillow the jail.
• Zillow doesn't care if you have a 60's shag rug, a 90's Brazilian or a modern landing strip.
• Zillow knows what it means when a man has big square feet, too.
• Zillow doesn't care about your OCD, your PPD or your STD.
• Haven't you ever had a Zillow.org?
• What is Zillow.org short for?   .orgy or .orgasm?
• The "."org in the Zillow.org is the "G-spot" and the "Z-Spot".
• Did you ever fake a Zillow.org?
• Zillow can help you with the financing, too.
• The Zillow carrot is a vegan Realtor sex toy. Also known as a Zilldow.
• Zillow pictures of houses under 18 years old aren't kiddie porn.
• A Zestimate is a CMA Quickie.
• Zillow never called your hemorrhoids, "speed bumps".
• Zillow doesn't mind if you come first.
• Zillow requires fewer tissues.
• Zillow never has to scratch its package, to check if it's still there.
• Zillow can always take you to places you've never been before.
• Zillow never made you wear a French Maid outfit.
• KZ Jelly can lubricate a house sale too.
• With Zillow, more people say, "Don't knock it 'til you've tried it."
• With Zillow, it's easier to delete something you no longer have feelings for.
• You can always tell your spouse, "I was looking up home values on Zillow".
• Spouse Question: 'Where were you?"  Answer: "I was on Zillow."
• Spouse Question: "What were you doing?"  Answer: "I was on Zillow."
• Zillow never made you play "Feelings" at your wedding.
• You don't have to give Zillow up during Lent.
• Zillow's algorithm is more secret than anything Victoria has.
• Zillow doesn't care if only one of you ate garlic.
• Zillow always asks; never tells.
• With Zillow, Yahoo and you, Zillow doesn't even mind 3-somes.
• Zillow is always better than it was a week ago.
• Zillow is Realtor Internet Porn.
• Zillow is cyber house porn.
• With Zillow, you don't need hot sauce, Zillow is hot sauce.
• Zillow doesn't just sizzle, Zillow SiZZles.
• Zillow always supports its weight.
• Zillow never locked itself in the bathroom.
• Zillow doesn't care how you lost your virginity.
• Zillow never tries to low-ball you.
• You can turn your back on Zillow.
• Zillow never pushed you for a commitment.
• Zillow knows the true value of all sex clubs.  And the ones with the best Zestimates.
• Zillow lets you save "the ball and chain" for Realtors.
• Zillow prostitutes its self, for free.
• With Zillow, it's easier to hide your virtual toys.
• With Zillow, you don't have to pay more for the extras.
• You can't get arrested for performing Zillow on your neighbors house; yet.
• Zillow doesn't care when you check out all your neighbors assets.
• Zillow expects you'll want more than one at a time.
• With Zillow, your in-laws are Google, Yahoo and Microsoft.
• Zillow is in Seattle, so it's less likely your significant other will find out.
• With Zillow, the honeymoon is never over.
• With Zillow, you can find out what the "Chicken Ranch" is really worth.
• Zillow understands its "wifely duty".
• Z-Bra is an underwired Real Estate Search.
• Zillow doesn't care about your ED, your VD, or your STD's.  Only your ZZZ's.
• Zillow wrote the book, Kama Zutra, for Indian home search.
• Zillow even encourages you to message your own Zestimate.
• With Zillow, the only sex toy is the mouse.
• Zillow is Real Estate Foreplay.
• Zillow can show you all the Public Libraries and all the pubic libraries.
• Zillow is "House Porn."
• The NAR blocks Zillow and other porn sites.
• Zillow knows just the right click for the Z-Spot and the G-Spot.
• Zillow never advises: "Don't give away the Real Estate data, or they won't buy the house."
• Zillow never trys to look down your dress. They just try to look up your address.
• Zillow doesn't make you give your phone number,register your email; or even sign a pre-nup.
• Zillow doesn't care if you're married. They don't even care if your husband watches.
• Zillow doesn't mind if you smoke after it. They don't even mind if you smoke during it.
• With Zillow, the only BO you have to worry about is FS-BO.
• Zillow has the best penetration in most greater metropolitan areas.
• Young home buyers are more into "Zillow, Drugs and Rock and Roll."
• With Zillow, abstainence is harder.
• Realtors are the only ones suing for "Zillow harrassment".
• You only have to tell Zillow in confession, if you checked out the Priests' House.
• Zillow isn't resistant to Pennicillin, Sulpha Drugs or AZT.
• With Zillow, it only smells like phish.
• With Zillow, size matters more.
• Zillow always uses the proper form of address.
• Zillow doesn't embarrass you in front of the neighborhood, as much.
• Zillow is only, "Slam, Bam, Thank You, Ma'am" for housing valuations.
• It's easier to "Get Lucky" with your Zestimate.
• With Zillow, you don't have to tell people you waited until your wedding night.  They wouldn't believe you anyway.
• There's more stigma to being a "Zillow Virgin."
• With Zillow you can only get virtually pregnant.
• Zillow doesn't care if you're homo, metro or retro.
• In a divorce, Zillow never gets the kids.
• It's OK to Zillow, on more first dates.
• With Zillow, the only Missionary Position is around the Mission.
• Zillow likes NymphoZaniacs; and ZymphoManiacs.
• Zillow has a better tool, a bigger package, and it doesn't check it out all the time to see if it's still there.
• With Zillow, it's always: different key strokes for different key folks.
• Zillow is a safer excuse, when you're late for work.
• Selling Real Estate is the second oldest profession.
• The only period Zillow cares about is the one between "Zillow" and "com".
• Zillow never told you to get down on all fours and bark like a dog.
• When you moan, "Lower", Zillow knows you mean "Your Zestimate".
• Zillow never told you the 2 biggest lies were, "Your check is in my mouth, and I won't cum in your mail."
• Videos of Pam Anderson's and Paris Hilton's homes are easier to get on Zillow.
• Zillow has the Paris Home Videos we all can see.
• With Zillow, your sexiest home video is always the outside of the house.
• The "Z-Spot" can get you in more trouble than the "G-Spot".
• Zillow gives you more hands-on experience.
• At Zillow they call Rich Barton "The Young Bill Gates" and "The Young Hugh Hefner."