For most home buyers and sellers nothing is better than sex, not even Zillow. But I've found some possible reasons:
- With Zillow, you can check the value before you buy.
- Zillow's only fetish is a Square Foot Fetish.
- Zillow always gets back to you.
- With Zillow, you always get a Zesti-Mate.
- What else starts with Zest and ends with Mate?
- Zillow doesn't need ads with Bob Dole or Rush Limbaugh.
- With Zillow, all the protection you'll need is a pocket protector and a Spam filter.
- You don't have to shave your legs, bathe or wax for Zillow.
- Zillow doesn't care that you want to see other Web sites.
- Zillow only asks about your home's age.
- Zillow doesn't "Google" you, blog about you, or laugh at your "MySpace" page.
- Zillow doesn't care what you did before you were a Realtor. They wouldn't believe you anyway.
- Zillow doesn't care what kind of car you have, just where you'll park it.
- Zillow never picks you up late.
- Zillow is a cheaper date.
- Zillow is always easy.
- With Zillow, you don't have to beg.
- Zillow doesn't ask if you took your pill.
- Zillow doesn't make you turn the lights out.
- Zillow doesn't laugh when you turn on the lights; either.
- Zillow always says, "Byte me."
- Zillow never has problems with zippers, buttons or bra staps.
- Zillow doesn't mind with your last love's perfume, lip stick or bra.
- Zillow gets fewer yeast infections.
- Zillow never laughs at the wrong time.
- Zillow never hums "Is That All There Is" at the wrong time.
- Zillow always takes responsibility, it uses an anti-virus and a Spam filter.
- Zillows always lets your information come first.
- Zillow has a bigger hard drive.
- Zillow doesn't care how the curtains are hung; either.
- With Zillow size doesn't matter; as much.
- Zillow is up and ready to go in seconds.
- Zillow always lets you be on top.
- Zillow doesn't mind if you yell, "Google".
- Zillow doesn't ask you to "talk dirty"; except to Realtors.
- Zillow doesn't care if the phone rings. Even if you answer it.
- Who needs Viagra, when you have Ziagra.
- Zillow never asks you to sit on the computer screen.
- Zillow is 24/7 and can go all night long.
- Zillow has a quicker refresh cycle.
- Zillow always asks, "Was it good for you?"
- Zillow doesn't mind if you roll over and go to sleep.
- Zillow never makes you sleep on the wet spot.
- Zillow always respects you in the morning.
- Zillow doesn't care if you're AC/DC, a switch hitter, or if you play for both teams.
- With Zillow, you can practice at home alone, too.
- Zillow never asks, "How many?" Only, "What neighborhood?"
- My library doesn't block Zillow.com.
- Zillow doesn't mind when you have to reboot.
- Zillow never hangs up during phone sex.
- Zillow only cares if you're circumscribed.
- Kids interrupt you less during Zillow.
- With Zillow, what's good to be goosed is good to be gandered, too.
- "Zillow And The City" is still running in prime time.
- Pre-Marital Zillow is against fewer religions.
- Zillow has no opinions on your relatives; only their houses.
- Zillow doesn't mind if you look at your watch, or even shake it to see if it stopped.
- Zillow never gets PMS; only PMZ.
- Zillow is cheaper than any other Real Estate Escort Service.
- Being up 24/7, Zillow really is Sleepless in Seattle.
- Zillow takes less in your divorce.
- "Not tonight, I have a headache", is heard less than, "Not tonight, the computer's down."
- Zillow isn't a 4-letter word, except for Realtors.
- You don't have to be drunk to perform Zillow.
- Zillow doesn't make you turn off the game, the TV; or even the computer.
- There's no commandment against coveting your neighbor's Zestimate, unless you include Realtor Commandments.
- Cheating with Zillow will make your Realtor more jealous.
- Zillow has seen more bedrooms than Wilt Chamberlain.
- Is that a portable hard drive in your pocket? Or are you glad to see me?
- It's not so bad when a Realtor tells you to "Go Zillow yourself."
- With Zillow, he can't lie to you about his house's worth, more than 10%
- Zillow Interruptus is more frustrating.
- With Zillow, "The Big Oh" is what you pay for property information.
- With Zillow, "Heavy Petting" is a St. Bernard.
- Zillow is only MicroSoft Porn.
- Zillow doesn't even mind if you cheat with RealEstateABC.com.
- Zillow is the KY Jelly for your most intimate home buying experiences.
- Zillow will let you try all those things you saw on HGTV.
- Zillow is familiar with the "G-Spot" and the "Z-Spot."
- If only Zillow was available for Bill Clinton in the oval office...
- Zillow never says "Wearing a condom is like taking a shower in a rain coat." Unless you put the condom on the mouse.
More of Why Zillow is Better Than Sex:
- With Zillow, you don't have to worry who the father is. It's Richard Barton.
- With Zillow, he never has to ask, "Who's your Daddy?" It's Richard Barton.
- Zillow doesn't care if you swallow.
- A Zestimate is harder to fake.
- With Zillow, they can tell if he's made the earth move in the past year.
- Zillow doesn't leave the seat up.
- Zillow gives better Hilton Head.
- Zex: When the sex is on the house.
- Zillow is harder not to think about at work.
- Zillow never plays "hard to get".
- Zillowing is part of the Zestifarian Religion.
- Zillow's easier to screw with.
- It's easier to share your Zillow fantasies.
- Zillow can please more women at the same time.
- Zillow's has perkier Zestimates.
- Zillow knows more about "The Birds and the Z's, too".
- Zillow has a better memory, bigger hard drive and stays up all night long.
- Zillow cares more about your entryway, your back door and his bay window.
- Zillow isn't a "Belly Button Fuzz Machine". Just a "Zex Machine".
- The Zillow Users Guide is better, has more color pictures, and you don't have to hide it from the kids.
- Zillow knows more positions: "The LapTop", "The Desk Top", and "The Neighborhood Search".
- Zillow doesn't hurt as much the first time.
- You can get in less trouble Zillowing with your High School teacher.
- The only Zillow "Love Handle" is your mouse.
- People boast more about their first Zillow experience.
- You can't wait to save Zillow until the Wedding Night.
- What if Bill Clinton had only Zillowed the White House in the Oval Office?
- You're more likely to score tonight with Zillow.
- When you "Get Lucky" on Zillow, you save money.
- You can Zillow more times in one night.
- You can Zillow all night long and not wake up your wife.
- Zillow is never allergic to your perfume, latex or commitment.
- You can have Zillow with your underwear on.
- With Zillow, you never need Family Court, a Restraining Order or an Order of Protection.
- Zillow doesn't care if you have to turn out the lights; just if you have to turn off the computer.
- A Zestimate is foreplay for Home Search.
- Zooty: Like Booty, the back end of the Home Search.
- A Zickey: A sucking mark left on a Realtor by Zillow. Harder to hide than a hickey.
- After Zillow, employees don't have to wash their hands; but they do.
- Zillow never tries to shove their Zestimate down your throat.
- Zillow is better with names; and it never forgets a place.
- Zillow knows more about Intercourse, Bird In Hand, and Blue Balls; and other towns in Pennsylvania.
- Zillow makes fewer inappropriate noises; especially when you have the speakers off.
- Zillow can make your Southern Exposure look better.
- With Zillow, all you have to do is hit the "Reset" or "Refresh"; or "Delete" keys.
- Zillow is harder on the keyboard and the desktop, but easier on the headboard and the room and board.
- Zillow doesn't mind if you look too cheap or too expensive.
- When Zillow gets a "Woody", it'sthe home of Woody Harrelson, Woody Allen or Woody Woodpecker.
- Even if you're from Appalachia, it doesn't matter that you learned all you know about Zillow from your family.
- Zillow isn't jealous when your dog humps your leg.
- Zillow doesn't care if you're the "Bitch Slapper" or the "Bitch Slappee."
- With Zillow, you don't have to get high before you go low.
- Zillow is an Aphrodi-Ziac.
- With Zillow, it's easier to be monogamous.
- Zillow's pickup lines aremore believable.
- With Zillow,the only ones who are hot and bothered are Realtors.
- With Zillow, monogamy is never monotony.
- Zillow can satisfy more women at one time.
- Zillow is always up and ready to go in seconds.
- Zillow always has something to wear.
- If you have the time, Zillow always has the place.
- With Zillow, it's easier to get back on your feet.
- Zillow always gives you unconditional love.
- You can't get enough of Zillow, either.
- Zillow makes you an offer you can't refuse.
- Zillow has a more seductive "search hither look".
- With Zillow, you can always put your finger on it and your fingers can always do the walking.
- With Zillow, there is no inuendo or in-your-endo.
- Zillow never quits just when it's getting good.
- The Herpes and Papiloma viruses never stopped Zillow.
- Men are less likely to roll over and fall asleep after Zillow.
- After a successful Zillow, there's a brighter afterglow.
- With Zillow, there are no "One night stands." And you can check out the addresses for "All night stands".
- With Zillow, you get a better view than the Mile High Club.
- Zillow is master of your domain, too.
- You don't mind as much if your dog watches you Zillow.
- Zillow doesn't care where your tattoos point or whose names there are, unless they're Realtor names.
- Zillow's aerial photographs are better than mirrors on the ceiling.
- Zillow is easier to share a bathroom with.
- Zillow is speed dating with houses.
- With Zillow, you have house-mongers; not whore-mongers.
- With Zillow, you only have data whores.
- There's a big difference between a real, "Hi, Sailor, New in town?" and a virtual, "Hi, Buyer, New in town?"
- Zillow is only a virtual escort service.
- Zillow knows all about Tantric Home Search, too.
- Zillow doesn't care if you fake it, not even your address.
- Zillow.com is short for Zillow.come.
- Richard Barton even liked Ginger's house better than MaryAnn's.
- The only thing Zillow asks you to swallow is their Zestimate.
- Zillow can do a better laptop dance, too.
- Zillow isn't as jealous of your vibrator.
- ZillowTech is almost as good as VibratorTech. But Zillow is "The Real Thing".
- Generally, you're more comfortable Zillowing at your parents' or in-laws'.
- Zillow didn't discover sex. But it can give you all the addresses where, You can.
- Zillow cares more about your Georgian Colonial, Greek Revival and English Tudor, than your French Tickler.
- You don't have to listen to anything Dr. Phil said. And you can Zillow his house.
- Zillow doesn't mind, even if you are jail bait. You can Zillow the jail.
- Zillow doesn't care if you have a 60's shag rug, a 90's Brazilian or a modern landing strip.
- Zillow knows what it means when a man has big square feet, too.
- Zillow doesn't care about your OCD, your PPD or your STD.
- Haven't you ever had a Zillow.org?
- What is Zillow.org short for? .orgy or .orgasm?
- The "."org in the Zillow.org is the "G-spot" and the "Z-Spot".
- Did you ever fake a Zillow.org?
- Zillow can help you with the financing, too.
- The Zillow carrot is a vegan Realtor sex toy. Also known as a Zilldow.
- Zillow pictures of houses under 18 years old aren't kiddie porn.
- A Zestimate is a CMA Quickie.
- Zillow never called your hemorrhoids, "speed bumps".
- Zillow doesn't mind if you come first.
- Zillow requires fewer tissues.
- Zillow never has to scratch its package, to check if it's still there.
- Zillow can always take you to places you've never been before.
- Zillow never made you wear a French Maid outfit.
- KZ Jelly can lubricate a house sale too.
- With Zillow, more people say, "Don't knock it 'til you've tried it."
- With Zillow, it's easier to delete something you no longer have feelings for.
- You can always tell your spouse, "I was looking up home values on Zillow".
- Spouse Question: 'Where were you?" Answer: "I was on Zillow."
- Spouse Question: "What were you doing?" Answer: "I was on Zillow."
- Zillow never made you play "Feelings" at your wedding.
- You don't have to give Zillow up during Lent.
- Zillow's algorithm is more secret than anything Victoria has.
- Zillow doesn't care if only one of you ate garlic.
- Zillow always asks; never tells.
- With Zillow, Yahoo and you, Zillow doesn't even mind 3-somes.
- Zillow is always better than it was a week ago.
- Zillow is Realtor Internet Porn.
- Zillow is cyber house porn.
- With Zillow, you don't need hot sauce, Zillow is hot sauce.
- Zillow doesn't just sizzle, Zillow SiZZles.
- Zillow always supports its weight.
- Zillow never locked itself in the bathroom.
- Zillow doesn't care how you lost your virginity.
- Zillow never tries to low-ball you.
- You can turn your back on Zillow.
- Zillow never pushed you for a commitment.
- Zillow knows the true value of all sex clubs. And the ones with the best Zestimates.
- Zillow lets you save "the ball and chain" for Realtors.
- Zillow prostitutes its self, for free.
- With Zillow, it's easier to hide your virtual toys.
- With Zillow, you don't have to pay more for the extras.
- You can't get arrested for performing Zillow on your neighbors house; yet.
- Zillow doesn't care when you check out all your neighbors assets.
- Zillow expects you'll want more than one at a time.
- With Zillow, your in-laws are Google, Yahoo and Microsoft.
- Zillow is in Seattle, so it's less likely your significant other will find out.
- With Zillow, the honeymoon is never over.
- With Zillow, you can find out what the "Chicken Ranch" is really worth.
- Zillow understands its "wifely duty".
- Z-Bra is an underwired Real Estate Search.
- Zillow doesn't care about your ED, your VD, or your STD's. Only your ZZZ's.
- Zillow wrote the book, Kama Zutra, for Indian home search.
- Zillow even encourages you to message your own Zestimate.
- With Zillow, the only sex toy is the mouse.
- Zillow is Real Estate Foreplay.
- Zillow can show you all the Public Libraries and all the pubic libraries.
- Zillow is "House Porn."
- The NAR blocks Zillow and other porn sites.
- Zillow knows just the right click for the Z-Spot and the G-Spot.
- Zillow never advises: "Don't give away the Real Estate data, or they won't buy the house."
- Zillow never trys to look down your dress. They just try to look up your address.
- Zillow doesn't make you give your phone number,register your email; or even sign a pre-nup.
- Zillow doesn't care if you're married. They don't even care if your husband watches.
- Zillow doesn't mind if you smoke after it. They don't even mind if you smoke during it.
- With Zillow, the only BO you have to worry about is FS-BO.
- Zillow has the best penetration in most greater metropolitan areas.
- Young home buyers are more into "Zillow, Drugs and Rock and Roll."
- With Zillow, abstainence is harder.
- Realtors are the only ones suing for "Zillow harrassment".
- You only have to tell Zillow in confession, if you checked out the Priests' House.
- Zillow isn't resistant to Pennicillin, Sulpha Drugs or AZT.
- With Zillow, it only smells like phish.
- With Zillow, size matters more.
- Zillow always uses the proper form of address.
- Zillow doesn't embarrass you in front of the neighborhood, as much.
- Zillow is only, "Slam, Bam, Thank You, Ma'am" for housing valuations.
- It's easier to "Get Lucky" with your Zestimate.
- With Zillow, you don't have to tell people you waited until your wedding night. They wouldn't believe you anyway.
- There's more stigma to being a "Zillow Virgin."
- With Zillow you can only get virtually pregnant.
- Zillow doesn't care if you're homo, metro or retro.
- In a divorce, Zillow never gets the kids.
- It's OK to Zillow, on more first dates.
- With Zillow, the only Missionary Position is around the Mission.
- Zillow likes NymphoZaniacs; and ZymphoManiacs.
- Zillow has a better tool, a bigger package, and it doesn't check it out all the time to see if it's still there.
- With Zillow, it's always: different key strokes for different key folks.
- Zillow is a safer excuse, when you're late for work.
- Selling Real Estate is the second oldest profession.
- The only period Zillow cares about is the one between "Zillow" and "com".
- Zillow never told you to get down on all fours and bark like a dog.
- When you moan, "Lower", Zillow knows you mean "Your Zestimate".
- Zillow never told you the 2 biggest lies were, "Your check is in my mouth, and I won't cum in your mail."
- Videos of Pam Anderson's and Paris Hilton's homes are easier to get on Zillow.
- Zillow has the Paris Home Videos we all can see.
- With Zillow, your sexiest home video is always the outside of the house.
- The "Z-Spot" can get you in more trouble than the "G-Spot".
- Zillow gives you more hands-on experience.
- At Zillow they call Rich Barton "The Young Bill Gates" and "The Young Hugh Hefner."
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